That is however until I discovered the genius of reality TV, especially of the dating variety.
Allow me to introduce the two most awkward, dramatic, self esteem sucking, brilliant reality TV shows out there for our viewing pleasure.
First is "Dating in the Dark". Where 3 men and 3 women live in a house completely separated from one another. The only place they are allowed to come together is in a dark room (hence the name). This room is so pitch black they literally can't see their hands in front of their faces. And so have to get to know the other people in the house judging only by personality, and also the groping they claim helps them know what the other person "looks" like. Over the coarse of about a week, they can communicate by email or IM with the people in the house asking each other on dates in the dark room. They go on multiple dates and finally chose one person they would like to have revealed in the light. The show claims to answer the age old question "is love really blind?", by making these people form relationships without ever seeing one another. One girl said just before the big reveal "I've been making out with this guy for a week now, I hope he's not a troll". And after finding out that in fact he did resemble a character from Lord of the Rings, said "I guess I'm superficial, and I'm totally okay with that!"Once they have seen the person they have been "dating in the dark", in the light, (which by the way is really awkward because they can't talk or see the reaction of the person who is looking at them) they can decide to either meet up on the balcony to continue the relationship or leave through the front door and walk down a super steep extremely long drive way (which I must add, definitely adds a dramatic effect) to search out their own true love sans the help of reality TV.
I really can't imagine anything worse than thinking I have a real connection with someone until they see me and decide that in fact they don't ever want to talk to me again... Brilliant ABC
Number two has been totally and completely misnamed by FOX... and therefore has been renamed by my friends and I as "The Fat Bachelor".
In this show 20 buxom beauties compete over the love of one man who claims to like "big girls". In the first episode as each girl was being introduced at the bottom of the screen was a little description of the girl, including her name, job, height, and yes, weight. And let's just say the BMI of these girls was not falling into the "healthy" 20-25 range nor dare I say even the "overweight"25-29 range.
I'm not even sure where to begin with the dramatics of this series. First of all pretty much every single one of these women should be in counseling. They all blame their single hood on "being a bigger girl" (a phrase I've heard no less than 2700 times so far, i.e "I know I'm a bigger girl..." or "because I'm a bigger girl...") One of the girls had never been on a date, ever. Another had never been on a second date. Yet here they are throwing themselves at the fat bachelor like he is the only guy that will ever look at them again. These girls cry constantly, profess their love after one date, and are more desperate than I even knew was possible (except for Bonnie, she was kind of normal). I think what truly makes this show AMAZING is the fact that these women have the self esteem of an acne prone, pubescent, 13 year old boy, yet they are setting themselves up for the ultimate rejection. I honestly think it might put some of them over the edge when they end up going home, cause really he can only keep one...
Two last observations because this is getting too long...
1. Dear fat girls, I know you think that the only reason that guys don't like you is because you're fat, but maybe you should check out your personalities, because no one wants to be with a blubbering, gossiping, negative, only talk about myself, and talk with my mouth full chick, regardless of her dress size...
2. The only thing I think could possibly be better than theses shows separately would be combining them. Imagine Fat Dating in the Dark... If that can't dash whatever shred of self worth these girls had left, I don't know what could. Plus seriously how trashy of a show would that be?!
